Is anyone still reading this? Whoa, I’m sorry!
The thing is, SLD works. It really, really WORKS. But it also takes work, at least a little. Yes, really.
You have to plan. There needs to be an apporximately three hour stretch at an optimal time of day for you to not eat or drink for an hour, drink your SLD dose, and then not eat or drink anything (other than water) again for another hour. This doesn’t sound hard, but I found out: it IS.
Sure, willpower counts. I salute everyone who can navigate their work/life environments without crumbling. Other factors can come into play, though, and for me, they hit like a Mack truck.
First, I’m the adult child of an alcoholic, and food is a huge trigger for me. Second, I suffer from a mild form of dissociative identity disorder (DID) and post-traumatic stress syndrom (PTSD). Why yes, my head is messed up, pleased to meet you! Fortunately, it is not necessary for me to be on perscription drugs to live my life, and I am not addicted to alcohol or any other substance. I’ve got a leg up, and believe me, I’m thankful.
I’ll spare you the long, drawn out story about the Year of Breaking Apart and get to the nitty gritty: I’m in therapy, I’m doing good, and I’m starting back on the SLD program again. Today was my third day and I’m keeping to the schedule. That was where I fell apart before, as my own issues led me to constantly undermining myself.
I’ll be going into more detail about that, but mainly I wanted to say: it is OKAY to start over. Life happens, whatever the issues might be. I feel foolish “failing” at something so simple as SLD, but I think that not going back to what I know works just because I’m embarassed would be a bigger failure.
More tomorrow. <3
