Day 52: The “Lost Week” of KimBoo

My emotional crisis of the week before did not settle like I thought it would. It took off and dragged me behind it like a ripped parachute. I did not update my journals, go anywhere, play racquetball, or do my homework, and I even skipped class on Wednesday. I am usually the retentive type who normally would NEVER in a million years skip class short of being held hostage by a secret government agency. But I did. I also drank too much.

But somehow: It’s all good. I’m okay. It was not a “crash and burn,” it was a “turn left you damn idiot! Turn left! Before you crash! Left! Left! Left!” It was a life lesson that, for me, was about ten years overdue. It was not easy to swallow. I am mad that I put myself through this at all. :::whack head on desk; repeat ::::

And I am ecstatic that I finally got the message.

I did manage to stay on SLD, but not in a regimented way. My schedule got tossed to crackers and I took my SW when I remembered it, which was often late in the day. The success here is not that I did not melt down – ohhhh yes I did! – but that I did not run back to sink my emotions in food. I drank too much beer, but that amounted to about one a night (what can I say? I’m a cheap date…just ask my husband…). My system still hit “full” when I ate and there were a lot of “take home” boxes piled in the fridge from our meals out at night. I also managed to get up and jog every morning and even make it to my crappy job during the day. As far as emotional breakdowns go, this was a “save.”

I have not weighed, though. I’m not that brave!

But today I am back on schedule. I’m writing journal posts, emailing some worried friends, and taking my SW at about 10:30am as per usual. I’ve made this a juice-fast day as I think my body needs a day off from excess. I went for a long trail run yesterday and this morning I jogged as usual. I’m confidant about my life choices and I know that I will lose weight, get healthy, and follow my dreams. What more can you ask for?

Day 37: Almost Cool!

As is usual, I somehow skipped Saturday. Didn’t even do SLD yesterday due to…uh…well, I just didn’t. Was not too hungry and spent most of the day working on homework. Met Husband at Ruby Tuesdays for a large salad (love their salad bar!) and could only eat one plate full; usually I clear 2 ½ plates, which even if it just salad, still counts for a lot of calories. But I got full and stopped before the first plate was even cleared. Ate a 6” sub for dinner and generally chilled out for the evening.

Got up today and went for a run. It was almost cool out! As in, below 80 degrees! Lovely! Did a trail run in a small park near home, which I only do on days when I run late enough in the morning for it to be light out. It was nice. Took my fish oil caps but that was all. Mostly I spent the day doing homework. Bah! Tonight we are going out to the club for some dancing time, I hope. I plan on having a few beers and relaxing, and not worry about food or school or anything. A night out! Almost makes me feel like a kid again…

Day 34: Some Hunger in the House

I did not eat a huge amount — no binging or anything, no crazy sweet candy or mad fried foods — but I finished my bowl of raviolis and ate a small cookie for lunch (although I did throw the second cookie away). I had a 6″ veggie sub and some chips for dinner, along with a beer. In writing this out, I’m realizing that I did not quite stuff myself as much as I thought I did, which is just another example of how SLD can mess with your head! I really felt as if I was out of control , but apparently not. And no, I actually wasn’t starving, and I did not experience any dreaded cravings, either. Just…hungry. But then I ate and got…full.

I suspect the hunger has something to do with my increased activity level. I’m really starting to push myself on my runs, and that feels great, but it is also putting greater energy demands on my body. You would think the 9 hours I spend in a near-catatonic state at the day job would counter this, but no. Interesting, and I’ll be tracking how this develops, you can count on that.

Day 33: A Riff on Exercise

I am hungry right now; it is about 4pm and I have eaten one orange and two glasses of vitamin/fruit juice (Super Green, I believe it is called; looks like radioactive toxic green sludge, but tastes rather fruity). In typical SLD style, I’m hungry, but not too interested in doing anything about it. Nothing sounds particularly yummy and I just don’t want to expend the effort of getting up and stealing pretzels from a co-worker. Stomach is growling and I’m thinking, “oh come on, let me finish writing this post first.” Honestly, I’m getting accustomed to this feeling now, except when I stop to think about it, and then it just seems so frackin’ weird to NOT CARE about being hungry!

It’s a “down day” so I might eat some edame beans when I get home but not more than that. I’m thinking of trying the “crazy spicing” with the beans because I eat them a lot and so the flavor/calorie association must be strong.

I went back over my records on my jogging times, which I’ve been keeping on a spreadsheet since March. Wayyy sad. As in, I’ve averaged about seven jogs a month. That sad, yes. This month is already different; I’ve done 10 jogs in 12 days. More better! So that is a “score point” for me, right there. A big change in perspective for me, to jog every day: it requires me to make the experience a priority, every morning. The benefit is that by rising so early to get that in, I generally get an extra hour in the morning which I use to write or research writing markets. The strong desires I have to accomplish great things in both activities feed off each other to a great effect. However I must note that even when I do sleep in, I go for a run and scrap the writing time. I’m finding that I really, really enjoy my runs: not the hot, humid, misery of sweating during a Florida summer, no, but the time to myself, all by myself. I don’t get much time like that, because I’m at work, or at home with Husband, or at class on campus. I run along and listen to my mega-mix “Jogging” playlist on my mp3 player and just zone out, daydream, scheme, fantasize, plot, and drift. It is a massive creative charge for me.

I’ve noticed over the past week that my HR average (as I wear a heart rate monitor so I can track such things) is very level. My average is between 134-136. That seems to be where I set my “cruising speed” so to speak. So, I decided I need to push myself a little bit every few days. This morning I introduced four 30-second intervals of extreme effort into my run, well after I had warmed up. You never realize how long 30 seconds is until you try to run it at top speed! Anyway the performance was lousy, as my HR avg. spiked all the way to 138. Oh well. Must start somewhere. LOL! But it feels good to push myself physically like this; more than even losing weight and being “thin,” having a physically fit, athletic body is my definition of “beautiful.”

I’m working on it!

Day 32: Work Week Blues

Oh, how I hate the “day job” thing. I really do. I am working hard to get out of it, but those are plans which will take time and energy to come to fruition. Meantime I’m stuck as a day laborer in the florescent halls of mediocrity. The only bonus to being a working stiff is that it forces (nay, ensnares!) me to a schedule. Weekends are all about flux; weekdays are all about regimen.

Which is to say, today I am back on track again with SLD. Last night I slugged a few tablespoons of oil in the late afternoon (after racquetball) and that kept my hunger down all evening. Here is another peculiar advantage to SLD that you may have missed: the avoidance of food poisoning! Husband ate the movie theater popcorn laden in that fake-butter-oil, and said it tasted rather odd. Now, oil can go bad and at the local IMAX theater I do believe that could happen (never been to impressed with the management of the place, although the kids who work there are nice). Anyway he ate about half the bag before deciding something really was wrong with the popcorn, and and not him, and for the rest of the night he was bordering on bad-news food poisoning reaction. Me, full and lacking any appetite, had not even a nibble of the popcorn, so I was spared! Just remember that next time you go out to eat and everyone else wants to buy the 100 pc. hot wings tray!

Today is a “down” day of mostly juice. A long day — work, then class until well after 9pm — and then bed. I did get up this morning (and on both Saturday and Sunday too!) to jog, so that part of the plan is going beautifully. I do think I’m going to have to figure out how to cram some yoga in, though; between jogging, racquetball, and sitting at a damn desk all day and night, I’m becoming very, very stiff. Limber is good. I miss limber.

Weighing in tomorrow. Stay tuned! (although my TOM is due, so I’m apprehensive…)

Day 25: Xylitol, cont.

Today the runs continued through afternoon, but after that everything, er, ran normally. I cut the xylitol dosage down to 130 calories worth – still too much. The AS was very strong and again, I felt that uncomfortably full sensation after drinking the xylitol/water mix. Did not eat any breakfast, ate a bowl of soup for lunch (with chips, though) and fixed my absolutely favorite quickie-dinner, cheese raviolis with spicy tomato sauce and garlic bread. Could barely finish five raviolis, though, and only two slices of bread; used to be, I could eat twice that and still be hungry. In what is no doubt a first, there were enough raviolis left over to pack up for husband’s lunch tomorrow! Leftovers! Amazing!

Took today off from exercising as last night we went out to a club and danced a lot. I felt like a den mother at the place – all those fresh young things! – and I told Husband that it was good that we travel together, or we’d each look like old lechers prowling for lost youth. But no, we just enjoy dancing! So we did, to many fun 80s tracks, and by the time we crawled home at 2am my legs were toasted. We had planned to play racquetball today but I bailed, as my legs were still hurting at 2pm in the afternoon. A day of rest never hurt anyone, I say…

Tomorrow is a “down” day, that is, I’ll be existing on my fruit juice/ACV mix for the day. Might have dinner plans with a friend, if she calls, but otherwise going to take it easy on the intestinal tract for a while.

Day 23: Breaking the Pattern

Eh, weekends are a pain. While I truly hate my job and wonder where, oh where! is my trust fund, weekends are a free for all and my careful schedule of SLD dosing is thrown off track. Usually I can work around, but today, I got sloppy. By the time I realized my planning was flummoxed, it was 12 noon and Husband was on his way home from work soon. Not having any idea when we would eat, I forwent the drawn out process of sipping SW and took 2T of ELOO. I also never got around to taking my fish oil caps later. Harumph. The AS was great all day, and while I think I ate more than I normally do, I was still free of cravings or ravenous hunger. All good.

And as I mentioned in an earlier post, I am not experiencing stress-related hunger. I mention this because money is tight; Husband and I are not the best at sticking to a budget (eh, we suck, actually…) so as the savings dwindles and the school fees mount (we are both in college full time right now; he’s getting his A.S. and I’m pursuing both a second bachelors and a masters, yes at the same time) and my dreamed of trust fund remains MIA, I am becoming very nervous. Money is a historic sore point for me and I can be very immature about it. I know, I am the master of my fate; still, I seem to bow down before my neuroses more often than not. I think as things stand financially, I am very blessed not to be trying to stuff my face all day. That fact I put at the feet of Seth Roberts and his SLD plan. Thank you, Seth!

I am most pleased in life about my exercising these days. I am hauling my arse out of bed every morning for a jog, 35-45 minutes long depending on my strength that day, which is a real triumph for me. Especially on weekends, where (as I may have mentioned) my schedule is thrown off track. I have nonetheless been getting up early on even the weekends (miracle!) to jog. Also, we are playing racquetball about four times a week, and I am finally seeing some progress in my game. Husband, who is a good player, still whips me in every game but I am making him work for it these days, where he used to just cakewalk through it. My resting HR is down to 62, when this time last year it was 90. All in all, my health is improving a lot! That makes me very, very happy.

And in a strange moment tpday, I thought about what cool outfit I would wear for our annual family portrait when I got down to my goal weight. Somehow I think I am beginning to believe I will get down to that weight, as in, for real. Wow. That is a major mental shift for me.